Friday, 7 June 2019

Learning how to paint what people want and keep myself happy at the same time.

 How Do I Keep Myself Happy and Gain More YouTube Subscribers?

Good Morning, it is a wet Saturday morning here in Australia.  I am still in my pajamas and it is almost 12pm, oops. 
I have recently uploaded my latest YouTube video, but I do have reservations about it.  Here is a pic of the finished painting.  There is a gold bokeh background and lady with blonde hair and a red dress, with some punched butterflies flying away.  I don't mean I punched the butterflies lol, I used a punch and some card to stick them to the dress.  I like her, but she is not my usual style.  Here is the link if you wish to paint her:

You see I love to paint complex and perfectionist paintings.  I love to have many many layers, and lots of thinking when it comes to painting.

I have been trying my best to get my YouTube subs up, now it is hard.  I paint something I love and I do a tutorial for it and I get excited, only to be disappointed in the amount of views.  Am I not doing the tags right?  Are the paintings too complex?  Do I just completely suck? Am I the problem?  I know when I get into a painting I go quiet, and since I am the only one in the room with the camera it can get a little quiet on the video. 

So I am having a crisis of faith, or I am lost, or maybe I have never had a clue.  Why am I doing YouTube?  Why have I always wanted to do it?  It's not like I am going to make any money from it.  If anyone has an answer I would love to know lol.

I would love to be able to get my subs up to 1000 over the next year, but it is such a huge mountain to climb.  I have never liked myself so why would other people want to listen to me?  It is so hard for a person like me with absolutely no confidence in myself to be able to do this kind of stuff.  I really want to succeed though, I am determined to do my best, and not listen to the voices in my head telling me to give up.  So I suppose the only solution is to keep trying, keep going, and maybe one day I will get that 1000 subscribers.  Until then I will keep uploading videos, easy and more difficult.  I love the difficult ones, I love showing people that anyone can paint them, but in hindsight they could be intimidating to the beginner.  So a happy medium needs to be agreed upon in my mind. 

I really like the way she turned out, she is a simple and quick painting, and hopefully she will be liked by viewers. So let me know what you think of her, and my other videos.

I have a finger painting video of Mario from Super Mario Bros coming up next Saturday, as part of the Aussie YouTube hop, which I really love taking part in!  Here is a sneak peak of the final product of Mario.

This is the bokeh background to the lady in red painting.  If you wish to just paint the bokeh then just follow the beginning of my YouTube tutorial.

Just as a little sneak peak, I will show you the Pixabay photos that have inspired me for my next YouTube painting tutorial.  These are all off the Pixabay website.

So as you can see, flowers and baskets are the common theme here.  I have not designed the painting yet, but it will be a basket of flowers, somewhere, somehow lol.  I cannot wait to show you what I come up with.

So for now I will bid you adieu.  Have a wonderful week, look after yourselves and don't forget to art.  Art as if your life depends on it, because for some people like me, it does.

Please follow me on facebook........... KristinaObrienart

I am also on Instagram..........

Aaaand Pinterest.......

And now Youtube.......

Friday, 5 April 2019

Acrylic Painting Tutorial of a cat, with a mental health ribbon, with a Ruby Rock-It Designs competition!!!

Acrylic Painting Tutorial of a cat, with a mental health ribbon.

As most of you should be aware I suffer from mental health issues daily.  I fight them daily, some days are better than others.  Some weeks can be a ride off, but I am still here ;

This is the cute little cat that I decided to share with YouTube and teach people how to paint.  I wanted to do something relatively easy to follow, and teach.  This teaching business is not easy.  I have never done it before, I am still learning to paint myself, and I will still be learning to paint until the day I die.  There is so much to learn and know.

I am not going to go through all of the details of this painting as it is on my YouTube channel as a complete tutorial.  So make sure you check it out here:

This is a picture of me starting to paint the cat, and the new YouTube video making set up I have.  Well, it's an old video camera I kind of forgot I had because it was so hard to get the videos off it.  I still have to mess around so much to get the videos off, then converted to the right format, then add them to iMovie but I really think my videos are getting better.

I have this damn inverter in my garage that makes so much noise it's ridiculous.  I didn't realise how noisy it was until I listened to one of my videos.  When I am painting I kind of go into my head, and I don't hear much going on.  It's my happy place.

 This is my naked kitty cat lol.  Like I said before he is one of the easier paintings I have done.  I wanted it to be nice and easy so people would be more likely to do it.  I just want people to paint, enjoy art and love themselves.

I recently had a hard week, or a hard few weeks.  Some things happened that I am not going to breath life into again, but they drained me.  I began to obsess and get super depressed over everything going on.  I lost a long time school friend, but things that were said were not nice.  Yep, I gave in too an added some things I regret saying, but what she said was unforgivable.  So after a couple of weeks of not talking, during this time I was so upset about it all, I felt so awful for blocking her, I just wanted to be friends again, my body and my mind just kind of gave up this week.  I was at my sons swimming lessons and I just needed to sleep.  I began to have a panic attack because I was so tired and I didn't know what to do.  I couldn't fall asleep in the building, that would draw attention.  So I decided I had to go sit in the car and wait.  I fell asleep in the car, like a deep sleep but I could still hear things going on.  I was worried about not being able to wake up while I was asleep.  How can I drive home if I can't wake up?

Luckily I managed to wake up just as my son finished.  I drove home and went back to sleep.  A deep deep sleep.  I think it was my body and my mind saying time to shut down and just let go.  After that sleep I haven't been as upset about losing my friend.

It is amazing how mental stress can affect my body.  So I just want everyone to realise that it is ok not to be ok.  It is ok to ask for help.  It's ok to get frustrated, I do, to the point of wanting Electric Shock to get rid of my depression.  Just listen to your body, don't let it get to the point where your body just gives up for you.

You know what got me through this week?  I stopped my obsessing by putting my hand on my chest and counting the beats.  Then I thought, how many heart beats am I going to give to this "woman"?  How many of my limited heart beats does she deserve?  In all honesty none, but of course I am human so I gave her quite a few, but she is getting no more from me.  I am done with her.

So please look after yourself, forgive yourself, and keep your heart beats for the things, times and people that matter.

Please follow me on facebook........... KristinaObrienart

I am also on Instagram..........

Aaaand Pinterest.......

And now Youtube.......

Making an acrylic pour swipe diptych with lots of cells, using helmar PVA glue and silicone

Making an Acrylic Pour using Helmar PVA glue and Helmar Silicone Oil for Cells

Hey guys, Kristina here again with my very last post for Helmar.  I decided to do something I have wanted to try for ages, and that is an acrylic pour using PVA glue as the pouring medium, and silicone oil for the cells.  It actually worked better than I expected.  I covered the diptych in resin to enhance the shine once it was all dry, because I just love the gloss finish resin gives.

Helmar products used:
Silicone Oil
Helmar craft and hobby pva glue

Other Items required:
Paper Towel
Pouring medium or Airbrush medium
Mixing Jug
Acrylic paints for pouring
Plastic cups
Popsicle sticks to mix the paints
Resin (if you decide to cover it in resin)

First of all there is a formula for making the pouring medium that you need to know.  This is the formula from "Pouring Your Heart Out" YouTube channel.  It is Floetrol 3 parts: PVA Glue 2 parts: Pouring medium 1 part: water 1/4 parts.  So, you use 300g of Floetrol, 200g Helmar pva glue, 100g of pouring medium and 25g of water.  You mix all of this together in a plastic jug and let is sit for a half hour.
Then decide on your paint colours, and the swipe colour.  Black or white is generally a great beginners swipe colour.  Add some of your pouring medium to the plastic cups, then add the acrylic paint to the pouring medium and mix well.  It is a great consistency when the paint stays on your popsicle stick when you lift it out of the mix, but it also flows straight back into the cup when you tip your stick.  If it is too thick, add more pouring medium or a little bit of water.  If it is too thin, add more paint.  I found Jo Sonja paints to be the best consistency for this type of pour.  Once you are happy with your mixes, leave them for at least an hour, this helps the bubbles settle to the bottom.

The paint colours I used in this pour were:
Carbon Black (Swipe colour)
Titanium White
Burnt Sienna
Rich Gold
Pacific Blue
Metallic Copper
Yellow Ochre
Once the paints have been mixed and left for a while, arrange your canvas that you will be pouring on.  Lay down a plastic covering on top of cardboard or plastic, so you don't make a mess on your floor.  Put your canvas on top of some cups, so it is not on the ground, otherwise it may get stuck to the ground.

Right before you are going to do your pour, add the silicone to all the colours except the black (swipe colour).  Add approximately 4-5 drops in each cup, and stir once or twice, not too much.

Now it is time to pour.  Pour the paints in any order you want, but just make sure your swipe colour is in the middle of the canvas and a little at the top.


Once you are happy with the paint, get your paper towel, I had to use two joined together because my canvas was wide.  Place the bottom of the paper towel into the black paint and drag it slowly down the canvas, making sure it is dragging the paint down the canvas,


Then grab a new paper towel, place it in the black paint and swipe up the canvas in the same way you swiped down.  Almost immediately you will see the cells forming because of the silicone oil added.  It is absolutely beautiful to watch.

This was the most fun I had had in a long time, just watching the colours mix and cells form.  If you have any spots on the canvas that are not covered in paint, just pour a little bit on them, or mix it around with a popsicle stick until you are happy.



Just leave the canvas on the flat surface until it is dry to touch.  It can take up to three days to be dry to the touch, depending on your weather etc.  Mine took two days, and even though it may look dry, refrain from touching it unless you are absolutely sure.  Yes, speaking from experience here, I touched it, it wasn't dry.  Once you are absolutely sure it is dry, give it a wipe with a slightly damp paper towel.  The silicone will rise to the top of the paint and make a slight film on the canvas.  Just wipe it off and it's done.

Next step is to wait about two weeks to ensure the paint is fully dry, and the pouring medium too.  This can take a while.  Then either varnish with your choice of varnish, or you can cover it in clear epoxy resin.  I chose resin, I have a pretty bad allergy to resin so I probably shouldn'y have, but I just love the gloss shine when it's dry.

Mix up your resin how the instructions tell you too, wear gloves, mask, fully cover up and do it in a well ventilated area.  I didn't do this when I first started with resin, and it caused me to become allergic.  I cannot even be touched by the fumes of the resin without getting a serious allergy burn with rash and severe itching.  It is not fun so I recommend always covering up.
You should always wear a mask, the fumes are pretty harsh, especially on your respiratory system.

Lay your canvas flat and above the ground, like you did with the acrylic pour, and drizzle the resin over the canvas.  Help it smooth out and cover the canvas using a long flat stick or your hands with gloves on.
Then when you are happy with the coverage you need to remove the bubbles using a heat gun.  Go gently over the whole canvas with the heat gun.  Then leave it alone to dry, it should be touch dry in about 12 hours, depending on weather.  This is what you should end up with, a gorgeous acrylic pour thanks to pva glue and silicone oil.



43951369_710339359330536_8230164289923579904_nThank you for these awesome last six months, I have enjoyed using my creative side again.  It has been a pleasure and I hope everyone keeps creating with Helmar.  Don't forget you can purchase Helmar products from here:

Please follow me on facebook........... KristinaObrienart
I am also on Instagram..........
Aaaand Pinterest.......
And now Youtube.......

Monday, 18 March 2019

Why should I keep fighting Anorexia and Depression when it is so damn hard, I just want to give up today

 Fighting Anorexia and Depression is soo damn hard

It is a struggle each day to find a reason to get up, to move, to use up energy to get out of bed.  Yes my kids are my motivation, if I didn't have them I do wonder what would happen to me.  I am pretty sure I wouldn't be here. And yes my pugs are also my reason. Can't let a pug miss a meal, they'll die lol.  Lately though it is getting harder and harder to keep going every day.

I know I am in a dark dark place when I don't even want to "Art".  I cannot find any inspiration to paint, to sculpt, or a reason or desire to paint.  It's the lack of desire that worries me, painting has kept me going for a few years, but I have hit a road block, why bother painting when no one is willing to buy them?  Maybe they are not good enough, maybe I don't know how to sell myself, or maybe I am just too fat to deserve to have anything good happen.  These are only a few of the "nice" thoughts that flow through my head daily.

Just recently I was painting the chocolate Easter bunnies for the Art and soul Studio blog, and I was also recording it for YouTube, when I felt like a hammer hit me and I just went from "ok" to barely able to talk, move or paint.  The depression literally hit me like a bat, right to the face.  I had to stop videoing because I started to cry.  I felt like this for hours, but I had to get this painting done, so I forced myself to keep going, but I barely spoke at the end of the video.  I just want to know why?  Why do I feel this way, why do I have to have this feeling.  Why can't I be normal?  

I don't shower for weeks sometimes, nor wash my hair.  I always get up for my kids and do everything I have to do, but it is like I am a non feeling robot that feels too much.  Does that make sense?  I feel nothing, empty, but I also feel too much.

I recently applied for a job, for mothers returning to work.  First off they asked for professional references.  This bit broke my confidence a bit, I don't have any, I am a mother, nothing more.  So I got around this, and I actually got an interview (of course my head justified it by saying I was the biggest loser of the people who applied).  I recently had the interview, and the people conducting the interview were friendly and nice, nothing bad to say about them.  The questions I had to answer though were all based around work experiences and problems.  I got flustered to start with, like I said this job was aimed at people who hadn't worked for a while.  I had no "stories" about work to tell, all I had was my family life, so I tried to relate it back to that.  Meanwhile my heart was breaking knowing that I sounded like an obsessed Mum, when the truth is I just want to get out there and support my family financially as well.  I'd prefer that to be by selling my art and making wonderful YouTube tutorials, but alas it may not be lol.  Needless to say I have not received that phone call saying I got the job.  Good luck to the person who got it, well done.

I live in the past, my husband will tell you that, I regret having my daughters so early, I DO NOT regret them at all.  I just wish I had the same perfect girls 5 years later, so I could experience life.  I am kind of over that one now, took about 20 years lol.  
I regret gaining weight in the past two years.  I regret trying to beat Anorexia, because now I am what I feared I would become.  Fat, the worst thing ever to happen to anybody, ever (insert sarcasm there, I am joking), except I do believe it :(
 See, there I was, skinny, I never sweated, I barely got hungry and I could walk for hours and not get tired.  It was when I stopped moving that the exhaustion would hit.  I lost another ten kg on top of this photo.  I miss being that skinny that I would give up painting for it.  Unfortunately I know I will have to give up everything, including my family and my life if I go back to this.  It calls to me all day everyday, I cry for it, I yearn for it, but I can never have it again.  I just can't seem to get it out of my head.  The only thing in the world I was ever good at.  Losing weight, and losing it fast.  I am not allowed to date her again, to dance with her, to embrace her.

I took worse photos than this, my back was so bony it hurt to sit on anything, but I liked it.  No pain, no gain.  Why am I posting this, good question.  I have no idea, maybe it's kind of a therapy for me to talk about it.  I don't have many people to talk to, most people just want me to shut up when I talk about being skinny.  Others just don't know what to say.  All I know is that I miss it like crazy.  That said I never ever want to go back to the Doctors appointments every week, people thinking I am crazy, the brain fog and the inability to do anything.  I wasted so many years because my brain just didn't work.  What if I had of started painting then?  I'd be years ahead of what I am now.  Regrets, I am filled with them.  A wish I have.....that I got help earlier for my Anorexia.  When I was young there was only really television I had as a reference.  I believed to be anorexic one had to starve, never eat. so with that in mind I never was Anorexic.  How could I be?  I did eat, minimally.  Now I know that is a fallacy, but I learnt it too late.  So how do I stop yearning for something I know will kill me if I embrace her again?  Any answers?  Me neither.

 I hate myself for not being able to go to my eldest daughter's university graduation last year, that sucker broke my heart.  Anxiety won on that one and I will never ever forgive myself for that.  "She doesn't want to be seen with her fat mum," is all that played in my head for months. 

I gave my kids "the anxiety" and I wish I hadn't.  I am taking every step needed to get them the help to fight it themselves.  They deserve every happiness and I will fight for that, that is worth fighting for.  That is why I get up, because if they see me give in, then maybe they might too.  That is not acceptable.  They cannot give in.

I have considered ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy aka Electric Shock), but I have heard that it takes away memories.  Memories of my kids being born, meeting my husband, getting married and of course, the pugs.  If I could be guaranteed I wouldn't lose them I would do it.  To get rid of the depression.  I just want to feel content, to feel something other than despair and emptiness.  Anyone had ECT?  Did it work?  Is it the magic pill I have been looking for?  Will it make me normal?

This is me, 2016, June, winter for Australia.  I can tell you that I weighed 34kgs here, I can tell you that I walked endlessly in the snow to make sure I got my exercise in, I ate some dinner, I drank a little.  I also threw up some dinner as well.  But this moment, we were all jumping off a little snow bank in slow motion, all the kids and my hubby and I.  I felt normal for a fleeting second, I enjoyed myself, I was normal.  This is why I keep trying I guess, to get this moment again.  Just one more time.  I wasn't worried about my weight while I was jumping, quick as it may have been, it was glorious.

So here I am, wondering what is next, because I was sure 2019 was going to be my year.  Do I get up everyday and keep going, yes I do, because it's what humans do.  Do I have to get over this damn obsession with skin and bones.  Yes I do, I have to but it's so damn hard.  Do I keep painting and trying to get better and find my style.  I don't know, I just don't know. 

Sorry for the sad downer post, I just needed to vent today.  I hope everybody is having a day, just a day, where if all you can do is watch tv, then watch tv and do it well.  You can only do what you can do, and mental illness is something that needs to be understood, because Doctors think they know, but they don't.  Like Jon Snow, they know nothing, and they are usually nowhere near as good looking as Jon Snow.  

Please take care of yourselves and be kind to yourself, you deserve it.  Until next time........

Chocolate Easter Bunny acrylic painting tutorial, two bunnies hugging in a field painting tutorial

Chocolate Easter Bunny Painting

Paints required:

Jo Sonjas Sap Green
Jo Sonjas Carbon Black
Burnt Umber
Burnt Sienna
Titanium White
Napthol Crimson
Cobalt Green
Hookers Green
Primary Yellow
12 x 16 Canvas board
Filbert paint brush size 4
Flat brush large enough to paint the background easily
Old stuff round brush for the white flowers
Old brush for scumbling
Rigger brush
Golden Glazing Liquid

Steps to painting some chocolate bunnies!

The first step is to get's almost Easter, Easter means chocolate!  Then grab your sap green and paint the whole canvas.  Let it dry and paint another layer of sap green. 

This is the point where you look at the reference photo I have provided.  It is royalty free and downloaded from Pixabay so you can do what you like with your painting of it :)  See the different shades of green in the picture, that is what you are focusing on.  Get your Hookers Green and your favourite scumbling brush (scumbling does ruin a paintbrush so use an old one or one you don't care much about) and start scumbling parts of dark green in the background, following the picture below. 

  To scumble, you place the tip of the paintbrush on the canvas and lightly go in circles.  To blend the Hookers green into the sap green you just scumble some sap green around the hookers green.  I have made a YouTube video for this painting.  I will add the link at the end of this blog.  Just keep scumbling lighter and darker green around the canvas until you are happy.  You should end up with something similar to this picture.

Now for the longer blades of grass behind the bunnies.  Using your rigger brush, and cobalt green, dip the brush in water and then mix it into the paint.  You want it watery, but not too watery.  About a third of the way up the canvas begin making long blades of grass, using sap green, cobalt green and a mixture of these greens together.  Fill the whole bottom third of the canvas with grass blades.

Using Titanium white, dip your old stiff brush into the paint and just lightly dab on some white flowers. 


Tracing in the chocolate bunnies:

Trace the chocolate bunnies in using your preferred method, or draw them in if you enjoy drawing (traceable will be at the bottom of the page and also on my Pinterest page.)

Paint over the whole bunnies in Burnt Sienna, leaving the eyes blank so you know where they will be.
Then paint a layer of Burnt Umber on Daddy Bunny.  Work on one bunny at a time, it makes things easier since they are so close to each other and the same colour.

Using Burnt Umber and a small amount of Titanium White mixed together paint the inside of Dad Bunny's ear.  Using Black paint in his nose and the little gap on his face that makes his nose. 

Dry brush Burnt Umber and Titanuim white combined on Dad's belly, the inside of his ears, his head and his arm.  Paint white where his eye will go.  Mix Napthol Crimson with a little white to make pink, and paint that inside his ear.  Then using Burnt Umber make small lines on the edge of his ears, these are the imperfections in the chocolate.  Make sure you follow the direction of his ear when doing these strokes, look at the reference picture you will see they all go in different angles.  Mix a little Burnt Umber and Titanium White and outline the dark creases you just did.

Add some Burnt Umber and Titanium White to the inside of baby bunny's ear so you know where it should be placed.  Finally for Dad bunny, using Black place a curved line where his closed eye is.

3.  The Chocolate cracks..

Make lots of small little marks on the Dad's face, and ears, looking at the reference picture to get an idea of the direction they should be going.  The mix Burnt Umber with Titanium white and make lines around all of the Burnt Umber spots and lines. He should begin looking like the picture above.  I have a quick time lapse showing how I did this.

Continue painting the choclate cracks all over his body.

4.  Painting Baby Bunny:

Using Burnt Umber and a little bit of Titanium White, cover the baby bunny in paint.  Add the pink mixture to the inside of his ear.  Use some Burnt Umber to outline where his arm and ears and head will end if you need to.  It does help.

Follow along the same procedure for making the cracks on baby bunny as you did on Dad bunny.

5.  More strands of grass

Using the rigger brush and a combination of the greens you used before, place some long strands of grass in front of the bunnies, this helps with pushing the bunnies back into the painting a little.  

Place some more white flowers around the front of the bunnies too.

Using Titanium white paint the eggs in, wherever you want them.  Using white first helps the colour you choose for the egg to be seen better.  Use Primary Yellow for one egg, and Napthol Crimson for the other.  Let it dry then do another coat.  

Use Hookers green to paint the shadow of the eggs on the grass.
Mix the yellow with some burnt Umber to create the shadow on the yellow egg.  Mainly on the bottom of the egg and the sides.  Mix Yellow and Titanium White to create the highlight on the top of the yellow egg.  
Mix black with red to create the shadows on the red egg, and mix red with zinc white to create the highlight on the red egg.  You can use Titanium White, just be careful not to turn the red pink.  Zinc White is less strong and it takes a bit more of it to turn the red pink, henceforth making it perfect for highlights.

Decorate the eggs however you want, making sure if you want lines on them they need to be curved to make the egg appear rounded.

Using the rigger brush, add some grass strands in front of the eggs, like you did for the bunnies, and then some white flowers.

Don't forget to sign it......

My Pinterest page where the reference photo and the traceable can be downloaded:

My Facebook Art Page:

I will have the YouTube video up for this tutorial by the end of today, so make sure you check it out:

That is it for me this month.  Hope you enjoy painting this sweet little Easter scene.

Lots of Art hugs......