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Monday 2 December 2019

Aussie YouTube Hop Artist videos for Christmas

December Aussie YouTube Hop




G'day everyone, I hope that December 2019 sees you all happy and healthy, getting ready for the silly season, where we all partake in a little too much of something.  Be it chocolate, meat, fun or alcohol (Vodka!).  It's December, we are allowed to have a little fun, to let go just a little, to enjoy our families.  It is even better to do some art, or crafting, journal work, scrap booking or mixed media.  You can honestly never have too many stamps or paints, watch enough videos or take some special time for yourself.  December is definitely the time to take a well needed break from the stress of impending Christmas, and credit card debt.  

On YouTube on the 7th December Saturday 12pm QLD time (Australian Time), there will be a bunch of awesome talented ladies who are making free videos just for like minded people to watch.  I myself have been in this hop for a year, I love doing the hop video every 2 months, it is nice to be a part of a group.

My YouTube channel is Art with an Aussie https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgFuUdFo0dyREOhcSgXBrw?view_as=subscriber  There is the link for my channel.  I mainly focus on Acrylic paintings, sometimes I do alcohol ink tutorials, and just other crafty things.  I like polymer clay too, but that's a separate addiction lol.

Another wonderfully talented lady involved in this months hop is Niamh Baly.  This is the link to her channel:    https://www.youtube.com/user/niamhhenshaw 
Niamh creates some amazingly creative positive art journal pages.  Her imagination and creativity really inspires me to try journalling.  Make sure you check out her YouTube channel, she is very good and popular.  Here is a sneak peak of Niamh's gorgeous design for this month.



Next on the list of amazingly creative Aussie People is Farrel Tailor.  Here is the link to her channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCesBUHGS6ta7Bq9irdheWIw  Farrel's work never ceases to amaze me.  The mixed media pieces she creates are out of this world, filled with beauty and wonder that is out of this world.  You really have to check out her videos.  Here is a sneak peak of Farrel's Aussie YouTube hop project.



I can give you a hint as to what people will be creating in this Aussie YouTube hop, mine is definitely Christmas inspired by Disney.  Yep, gotta love a Disney painting.  My main motivation for Disney is because the day this hop goes live is my youngest little man's birthday.  He loves Mickey and the Roadster Racers, so I dedicate my painting to him.  Here is a sneak peak of my Aussie YouTube hop project.

Mickey, Minnie, Olaf from Frozen and Jack skellington are having a blast in the Christmas snow.  I kind of wish it would snow here a little for Christmas.  It is stinking hot and so smokey from all the fires around.

Another wonder participant in the December 2019 Aussie YouTube hop is Silvia Bermudez.  Here is the link to her channel  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBQbLJaYcSfamffDotkyE5g  to see her stunningly gorgeous scrapbook page layouts.  Just the amount of work she puts into these pages makes me tired lol.  They are absolutely works of art and definitely worth a watch!  Here is a sneak peak of her Aussie YouTube hop design.  I just love that background, it's so whimsical!



So if you want to get your crafty on this December, don't forget to check out these wonderful and creative YouTube channels for some great ideas and inspiration.

So have a very merry Xmas, a wonderful holidays, and let's get creative!

See you soon.

 I have Instagram accounts for you to follow: https://www.instagram.com/kristina_obrien_art/?hl=en
AND
https://www.instagram.com/art_with_an_aussie_/?hl=en

Facebook page to buy my art:  https://www.facebook.com/KristinaObrienart/
Facebook page to see sneak peaks of upcoming tutorials: https://www.facebook.com/Art-with-an-Aussie-YouTube-Tutorials-2835141183194204/

Pinterest for reference pictures and traceables:  https://www.pinterest.com.au/krystalrose316/art-with-an-aussie-youtube-traceables/

YouTube channel:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgFuUdFo0dyREOhcSgXBrw?view_as=subscriber







Tuesday 20 August 2019

Making miniature dollhouse wedding cake from polymer clay

Making dollhouse miniatures

Now when I say that painting is definitely my passion, it doesn't mean that other things don't tickle my fancy too.  I have, ever since being a little girl, loved dollhouses and miniatures.  I collected Barbie as an adult and only recently stopped (super expensive hobby lol).

Anyway I am attempting to have two YouTube channels, one for my painting and one for my dollhouse things (girlish squeal).  So without further adieu here are the glam shots of my dollhouse wedding cake!



























She certainly is a wedding cake for a rich doll lol.  I have a YouTube tutorial on how to make this,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mV7Fhiorhoc

If you just want some quick instructions without a video then read on.

Firstly you need to make the three different sized bases from scrap clay, I wouldn't waste important clay for this part unless you are going to have a piece cut out.



Once you have these nice and rounded and the size you want, carefully (and when I say carefully I mean cleanly, oh so cleanly) roll out some white clay, which will become the fondant and cover all three of the cakes.  I made my middle tier a marbled pink and white fondant.  I just added a small amount of pink clay to the white and then mixed it a little and rolled it out.


Once it is flat cover the cakes with it, like you see them do on tv when they're making cakes.  Start from the top and smooth it down.


Once you are happy, bake according to your clays instructions.

Now roll out a snake of white clay and flatten it to look like this.


Make about fifteen of these shapes in the white clay, and if you made a marbled clay, roll some out in that too.

Then beginning from the top of the cake, add some bake and bond, and place the rolled out snake pieces above around the clay.




Once you have covered them all, bake them again.  This is how you want them to look.



Now for the roses, it is probably easier to watch the video I made, but I shall give the explanation a go.  Take a small piece of clay and flatten it to make a smallish roundish shape.
Wrap i t around the dotting tool to begin the small rose.  Then just keep making small squashed circles and adding it to the rose in different spots.  They should look like this.  Make some roses in red clay, white clay and the marbled pink clay.  Make about 15 roses.


Put the roses on some polyester fluff that you stuff pillows with, and bake.  Putting them on the fluff stops the roses from getting squashed on one side.

Next make some leaves:  grab the green clay and make a small circle, the squash it to make a leaf shape and bake these as well.  Roll out three small snakes of brown clay and use bake and bond to attach these to the three wedding cake tiers as below.  Bake the cakes and the brown sticks. 



Now it is time to attach the roses and the leaves to the brown sticks and the cake bases.  Use bake and bond, and as you are adding the roses make sure the cakes still fit together.  Put some leaves in between the roses to break up the colour and then bake these again.

Next and final bake is to glue the cake bases together, so use bake and bond and glue them all together and bake.

Once it is dry use gloss varnish to paint over the roses.

I am making some macarons this weeks, miniature of course, so I can't wait to show you them.



Please follow me on facebook........... KristinaObrienart

I am also on Instagram.......... https://www.instagram.com/kristina_obrien_art/

Aaaand Pinterest....... https://www.pinterest.com.au/krystalrose316/pins/

And now Youtube.......https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgFuUdFo0dyREOhcSgXBrw
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCH3A1kucfLNDkO84CesdNIw?view_as=subscriber

I also have an Art with an Aussie Facebook group:  https://www.facebook.com/Art-with-an-Aussie-YouTube-Tutorials-2835141183194204/

Have a great week everyone.

Love

Me!  Kristina


















Sunday 28 July 2019

When life just feels like it is not worth the effort, major depressive mood



Where do I start?  Feels like there is no point starting anywhere, I mean why do we bother in this horrendous miserable world?  Why bother going outside when you meet the types of arseholes I just met today?  They just reaffirmed my belief that the people in this world are, for the most part, not worth even giving the time of day to.  I know said arseholes today will eventually get their horrible behaviour thrown back at them, but what is the point when I won't be there to see it?

I have been fighting this mood for a while now, but today it has won and now I just want to curl up in a little ball and cry.  I don't want to give a shit about the world, I don't want to eat or drink, I just want to disappear.  So why don't I?  Kids, my kids.  They can't stop this mood, but they can stop me giving up completely, for now.  It is getting harder and harder to find a way out of this tunnel, and the more I feel like a burden to my loved ones, the more I just want to run away.

What is depression?  Well, it is different for many people, but it always ends in the same damn hole that you have to crawl out of.  Depressed is my normal state of mind, I have not felt happy or excited since I was a young girl.  Nothing excites me, I have to fake everything for everyone in my life.  Getting a present should be an awesome thing yeah.  I have to get ready to put my fake face on, smile, laugh, all the while dreading everyone looking at me.  Knowing that my response is not what they wanted.  Or maybe I over did my "happiness", or maybe I should just go and shove my head in a hole, because I don't deserve their love or gifts.

Just normal depression is actually a relief for me, it means I can get things done, enjoy the sun, talk to people, go outside, go to my safe spots.  It is the major depressive mood that I am in right now that I hate.  I am so low I find it hard to even open my mouth to talk.  My lips literally feel like they are glued together and when I go to answer someone I just give up.  The voices in my head are very insistently letting me know how awful I am, how I messed up something twenty years ago, how no one wants to know me etc etc.  The world just seems like a horrible place, and why should I be here if I can't do anything right anyway.  That train of thought always leads to suicidal ideation, and I try my best to avoid that tangent, but it always gets in.  Right now I want to lay down and cry, but crying seems so hard to do in this depressed state, so maybe I should just lay down and not move.  Maybe it will go away if I do what it wants. Nope.  It wants me to hide from everyone, pull away from my loved ones and isolate myself.  Then I will have a bloody good reason to kill myself, but I will not let it win that battle.  I know that I do not want to live, I have known that for a long time, but that said I do not want to die either.  In amongst all of the pain and hurt and sadness, there is a desire to be here.  To feel, to live, to experiment.  It is just so hard to find the energy, motivation, desire, strength to get up and do the things I want to when I am here, in this own private hell.

Why am I like this?  Well, according to all of the shrinks I have spoken to, they all take it straight back to my childhood, and they all say the same thing.  I am like this because when I was a young girl, probably 9-14 years of age, my parents were not around.  Let me say this, I do not blame them in anyway, they were working damn hard to get money for our family.  They bought a hotel and they ran it.  Apparently because of this "neglect" (I do not call it that, they were just being parents), because my parents weren't there for general conversation, or really anytime at all between the hours of 7am-midnight, I got it into my head that if my parents didn't want to be around me, then there is something wrong with me.  The more they weren't around, the more I began to truly believe that the error was me, there was something wrong with me.  I mean if your own parents don't want to spend time with you, who will?  I just want to reiterate that this was not a conscious process.  I had no idea their business was affecting me like this.  From this little seed my hatred and anger within myself grew.  The psychs say I could of gone one of two ways, where I am now, or if I didn't have empathy I would of become a sociopath.  In my youth I did try to get rid of my empathy, I hated that I felt things about others so deeply, I just wanted to hurt them instead.  But fucking empathy always got in the way, so I figured out the only person that I could hurt, was me.  I deserved it, and no one would care.  I still hate that I have so much empathy it hurts, I would give anything to be rid of it.  Maybe I would be someone that's worth something if I didn't have it, you know.

I'm not going to go all over my history, but as a final slap to the face,  I was left alone in an apartment while I was still inschool, with my parents in two different cities from me, no one else there, except for my school friends. Who very gladly came over to spend time with me, and drink, and smoke pot.  So yet again I was left alone, and I still have no hatred or anger for my parents.  They were not able to foresee the failure of the original hotel they purchased just after they leased another.  Ok, I digress, I do have anger towards my father, he did make my Mum sell the only home I ever had, even if it was only for a couple of years, it was my home.  His desire to be someone, do something, took over his desire to be a Dad, and fair enough, at this point I had already realised that my Dad hated me.  How could he not, he never wanted to be near me.  

That is all in the past, but I did find it interesting to know why I hate myself so much though.  I have never told my parents this truth, there is no need.  I harbour no ill will, I know they were doing all they knew.  I love my Mum and I do not want to hurt her, and I know for a fact that she doesn't read my blog lol.  
  
Recently it has come to my attention that I have Agoraphobia.  My whole life I have been unable to go to new places, go out, talk to people.  I have my safe spots that I will go to on a good day, and if I need to go somewhere I don't know, or don't trust, then I need a safe person with me.  My husband is my safe person, as is my Mother and surprisingly my 5 year old son.  I didn't go to my daughters' University Graduation.  I couldn't make myself go and see Pink, or Christina Aguilera, ballet, classes, any fucking thing I can't go.  Do you know how upsetting this is to me?  It makes me hate myself even more, and wonder why on Earth I am allowed to exist in this world.  I mean I am absolutely useless.  Paralysed with fear over anything new.  Why am I bringing this up?  Well today there as an incident, and it happened on a street I drive all the time, but I can hear my mind telling me never ever drive there again.  I can feel the depression and the blinding fear building up within me, all because of some arseholes.  So I decided to type this, as a sort of therapy, and a way to talk but not having to open my mouth.  It has worked in a way, I do feel like if I keep trying I can dig my way out, or at least stop myself sliding down further.

There is something that has been bothering me for a long time though.  Anti depressants.  With the majority of the world on them, or should be on them, why are they so shit?  Why do they make me feel like a zombie?  With no sex drive whatsoever, and putting on weight like it's the latest fucking craze?  I mean how does that help a depressed person, oh you're sad, here put on some weight, become that fatty you truly don't want to be.  Oh you like having some emotions?  Well shit, on these little magic pills they're gonna make you feel like you're in slow motion and nothing matters, and I mean nothing.  And that sex drive you like?  Poof, gone.  Why is it that no one can help a majorly depressed person?  Why can't they help me?  Talking does shit, pills, I have taken enough to know I don't want to take anymore, they all do the same and that is not worth the side effects they give me.  Sure, they save lives, yes when I was suicidal they did stop those feelings, but they didn't stop the depression or anything else.  So yeah, if you are truly suicidal then take them, they do help that.  All of this said, they work differently for different people, so my experience may not be yours.  It certainly cannot hurt to try, anything, to get out of this tunnel of darkness, can it?   

I just want to say thank you for letting me vent, thank you for making myself feel just a little better by writing this.  Thank you for being you.

So when you find yourself sinking, and sinking fast, try and find a rope, or a life boat, or any little sliver of hope that you can to slow the descent.  I know that it is dark and lonely when you are lost, I know everything is too hard to do, but just remember that someone does care.  Even if you believe there is no one, there is always someone, even if you don't know them.  I care, I care very much about people in the dark tunnel.  I am there all the time, lost and lonely, and I know how it feels, so please just know that I care, and so do many other people.  Look after yourselves, even if it means just laying down and watching tv, or walking outside, just please look after yourself, and know that it will pass.  It will pass.

If you need help within Australia, please call LifeLine:  13 11 14
Kids Help line: 1800 55 1800
  


Saturday 13 July 2019

Making a red rose flower completely out of resin tutorial

How to make a red rose from resin tutorial.

This is the end product og an experimental technique I tried, mainly because I had a dream about it one night and it just wouldn't leave my head until I promised to try it.

If you want to see a timelapse tutorial of this process, I have put one on my YouTube channel here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxCTKT7s3Io

Now I have an allergy to resin, so I had to get my confidence up and prepare myself for some itchy, red swollen days to come after using the resin.  I wore my gas mask, eye glasses, I lathered myself in barrier cream, used duct tape to hold my sleeves down to the gloves, and of course I wore gloves.  All of this preparation was not in vain, the only real place the resin fumes got to was my eyes.  The glasses were not full protective ones so I can't complain.  So while I am looking like Quasimodo and I do not particularly want to be seen I thought I would write up the blog.

I started with a hot glue gun and some cling wrap, I drew out the shapes I wanted the petals to be and I covered them in hot glue.  Hind sight being 20/20 I would do more larger petals next time.
The hot glue gun actually melted the cling wrap and made the whole process a lot easier.  Especially removal of the cling wrap.

So I prepared my resin, dressed like I was an invading alien (without the anal probe though), and I missed two colours up.  Pthalo green, which is very transparent, and I purposely didn't mix it thoroughly so it would be darker in some spots.  I used just a basic red for the petals, I am a little disappointed with the "fake" look it gives the final product so next time I will look at different reds and not mixing it so well. 
So I just pour the resin into the glue petals and I wait.  It is winter here so I had to wait about 8 hours until it became as hard as I needed it to be.  The leakage was my own slip up, none of the glue petals allowed for leakage, which was awesome.
So, when the resin is almost hard, not sticky at all, but still bendable, is the time to do the next step.  Bending the resin petals over what ever you have to curl them.  I used pencils and duct tape.



Next time I will curl more petals, I didn't this time because I wasn't too sure if it would work.  The next day, about 24 hours after pouring the resin I removed them from their molds.  They slipped out with no problem, even the cling wrap did not stick to it.  Awesome!!

I found a piece of wire that I wanted the rose attached to, and I glued the initial bud to it.
From there I picked the best two resin petals for the middle bud, using a fast drying glue I glued them together.  This part takes time, so use the best and quickest glue you can find.  You just work your way around the rose, gluing the petals and holding them.  I advise having a picture of a rose in front of you so you can see what it really looks like.  The mind likes to trick you lol.  Don't forget to glue the leaves to the wire stem, it is a little tricky but is definitely worth it.

Once all of the glue was dry I used some Krystal Kote gloss varnish from Helmar to spray the rose and add some extra glitter to it.

All in all I am happy with how it turned out.  I need more larger petals, a better red and a faster drying glue lol.



Hope everyone has a wonderful week, I know I will, my kids are back at school this week!!!



Please follow me on facebook........... KristinaObrienart

I am also on Instagram.......... https://www.instagram.com/kristina_obrien_art/

Aaaand Pinterest....... https://www.pinterest.com.au/krystalrose316/pins/

And now Youtube.......https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgFuUdFo0dyREOhcSgXBrw

I also have an Art with an Aussie Facebook group:  https://www.facebook.com/Art-with-an-Aussie-YouTube-Tutorials-2835141183194204/

Have a great week everyone.

Love

Me!  Kristina

Saturday 15 June 2019

Aussie YouTube Hop Painting Tutorial of Mario from Super Mario Bros

PLAYING WITH PAINT TO MAKE AN AWESOME SUPER MARIO PAINTING

Do you have fond memories of playing a Super Mario Bros game when you were a kid?  Or even now, as an adult do you still play it?  I remember the fun with Mario Kart with my kids, but I also remember the tantrums thrown by me with the original games and those damn tubes and mushrooms.  Oh the mushrooms, how I hated them!

For this month (June) the Aussie YouTube hop theme is playing with your supplies.

Now I had problems with this theme and I almost chickened out.  All of the other YouTube hoppers are wonderful scrapbookers and mixed media artists.  I am the odd one out, and I fight this feeling every time I take part in a hop.  Playing with paint is easy, but to satisfy my need and desire to create an interesting an perfect painting that will ease my perfectionist traits is difficult.

So I came up with Mario, at first I thought I would just paint him.  He is a game so technically that is playing, but then some stupid part of my brain says hey, let's do it without a paintbrush.  Let's play with the paint.  Yep, I shall smack that voice next time it talks to me lol. It turned out ok, but my gosh it was difficult and I struggled and I huffed and I sighed a lot lol.
Here is the result of the playing with paint tutorial.

Here is the link to the painting tutorial for this months hop:


Don't forget to follow the rest of the hoppers in the list that I will have in the description below the video.  We all try really hard to give you the best video that we can come up with.  So please support all the wonderful ladies involved.



To complete this painting tutorial you will need to be able to splatter paint.  Yay messy!!
You will also need to use your fingers.  Now here comes the big warning, do NOT use Cadmium paint, Chromium Paint, or any paint with a health warning when you are using your fingers.  Just read the label on the paint to see if it has a health warning.  Craft paints are generally ok, but please just make sure.

One more warning, it is fine to paint this Mario Bros painting for yourself, or to give away, but for the sake of your sanity, I wouldn't sell anything that is copyrighted, and Super Mario is copyrighted.  So this is an enjoyment painting.

I also use Q-tips (ear buds here in Oz), and a dotting tool.  I sneak in a little paint brush because, well, if you've read my other posts you will know, I am kinda perfectionist.  I needed to use the paintbrush for a few minutes to ease the craziness in my head lol.

So I hope you enjoy this weeks YouTube video and this months hop video.  By far I really enjoy doing the hop videos, I feel like I am a part of something.

Look after yourselves, and keep arting, and farting.  Perhaps at the same time lol.


Please follow me on facebook........... KristinaObrienart

I am also on Instagram.......... https://www.instagram.com/kristina_obrien_art/

Aaaand Pinterest....... https://www.pinterest.com.au/krystalrose316/pins/

And now Youtube.......https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgFuUdFo0dyREOhcSgXBrw







Friday 7 June 2019

Learning how to paint what people want and keep myself happy at the same time.

 How Do I Keep Myself Happy and Gain More YouTube Subscribers?


Good Morning, it is a wet Saturday morning here in Australia.  I am still in my pajamas and it is almost 12pm, oops. 
I have recently uploaded my latest YouTube video, but I do have reservations about it.  Here is a pic of the finished painting.  There is a gold bokeh background and lady with blonde hair and a red dress, with some punched butterflies flying away.  I don't mean I punched the butterflies lol, I used a punch and some card to stick them to the dress.  I like her, but she is not my usual style.  Here is the link if you wish to paint her:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO-zVKNhJIM



You see I love to paint complex and perfectionist paintings.  I love to have many many layers, and lots of thinking when it comes to painting.

I have been trying my best to get my YouTube subs up, now it is hard.  I paint something I love and I do a tutorial for it and I get excited, only to be disappointed in the amount of views.  Am I not doing the tags right?  Are the paintings too complex?  Do I just completely suck? Am I the problem?  I know when I get into a painting I go quiet, and since I am the only one in the room with the camera it can get a little quiet on the video. 

So I am having a crisis of faith, or I am lost, or maybe I have never had a clue.  Why am I doing YouTube?  Why have I always wanted to do it?  It's not like I am going to make any money from it.  If anyone has an answer I would love to know lol.

I would love to be able to get my subs up to 1000 over the next year, but it is such a huge mountain to climb.  I have never liked myself so why would other people want to listen to me?  It is so hard for a person like me with absolutely no confidence in myself to be able to do this kind of stuff.  I really want to succeed though, I am determined to do my best, and not listen to the voices in my head telling me to give up.  So I suppose the only solution is to keep trying, keep going, and maybe one day I will get that 1000 subscribers.  Until then I will keep uploading videos, easy and more difficult.  I love the difficult ones, I love showing people that anyone can paint them, but in hindsight they could be intimidating to the beginner.  So a happy medium needs to be agreed upon in my mind. 

I really like the way she turned out, she is a simple and quick painting, and hopefully she will be liked by viewers. So let me know what you think of her, and my other videos.

I have a finger painting video of Mario from Super Mario Bros coming up next Saturday, as part of the Aussie YouTube hop, which I really love taking part in!  Here is a sneak peak of the final product of Mario.




This is the bokeh background to the lady in red painting.  If you wish to just paint the bokeh then just follow the beginning of my YouTube tutorial.


Just as a little sneak peak, I will show you the Pixabay photos that have inspired me for my next YouTube painting tutorial.  These are all off the Pixabay website.  https://pixabay.com/






So as you can see, flowers and baskets are the common theme here.  I have not designed the painting yet, but it will be a basket of flowers, somewhere, somehow lol.  I cannot wait to show you what I come up with.

So for now I will bid you adieu.  Have a wonderful week, look after yourselves and don't forget to art.  Art as if your life depends on it, because for some people like me, it does.



Please follow me on facebook........... KristinaObrienart

I am also on Instagram.......... https://www.instagram.com/kristina_obrien_art/

Aaaand Pinterest....... https://www.pinterest.com.au/krystalrose316/pins/

And now Youtube.......https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpgFuUdFo0dyREOhcSgXBrw





Friday 5 April 2019

Acrylic Painting Tutorial of a cat, with a mental health ribbon, with a Ruby Rock-It Designs competition!!!

Acrylic Painting Tutorial of a cat, with a mental health ribbon.

As most of you should be aware I suffer from mental health issues daily.  I fight them daily, some days are better than others.  Some weeks can be a ride off, but I am still here ;


This is the cute little cat that I decided to share with YouTube and teach people how to paint.  I wanted to do something relatively easy to follow, and teach.  This teaching business is not easy.  I have never done it before, I am still learning to paint myself, and I will still be learning to paint until the day I die.  There is so much to learn and know.

I am not going to go through all of the details of this painting as it is on my YouTube channel as a complete tutorial.  So make sure you check it out here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJh8Zt2TbPM

This is a picture of me starting to paint the cat, and the new YouTube video making set up I have.  Well, it's an old video camera I kind of forgot I had because it was so hard to get the videos off it.  I still have to mess around so much to get the videos off, then converted to the right format, then add them to iMovie but I really think my videos are getting better.

I have this damn inverter in my garage that makes so much noise it's ridiculous.  I didn't realise how noisy it was until I listened to one of my videos.  When I am painting I kind of go into my head, and I don't hear much going on.  It's my happy place.


 This is my naked kitty cat lol.  Like I said before he is one of the easier paintings I have done.  I wanted it to be nice and easy so people would be more likely to do it.  I just want people to paint, enjoy art and love themselves.

I recently had a hard week, or a hard few weeks.  Some things happened that I am not going to breath life into again, but they drained me.  I began to obsess and get super depressed over everything going on.  I lost a long time school friend, but things that were said were not nice.  Yep, I gave in too an added some things I regret saying, but what she said was unforgivable.  So after a couple of weeks of not talking, during this time I was so upset about it all, I felt so awful for blocking her, I just wanted to be friends again, my body and my mind just kind of gave up this week.  I was at my sons swimming lessons and I just needed to sleep.  I began to have a panic attack because I was so tired and I didn't know what to do.  I couldn't fall asleep in the building, that would draw attention.  So I decided I had to go sit in the car and wait.  I fell asleep in the car, like a deep sleep but I could still hear things going on.  I was worried about not being able to wake up while I was asleep.  How can I drive home if I can't wake up?

Luckily I managed to wake up just as my son finished.  I drove home and went back to sleep.  A deep deep sleep.  I think it was my body and my mind saying time to shut down and just let go.  After that sleep I haven't been as upset about losing my friend.

It is amazing how mental stress can affect my body.  So I just want everyone to realise that it is ok not to be ok.  It is ok to ask for help.  It's ok to get frustrated, I do, to the point of wanting Electric Shock to get rid of my depression.  Just listen to your body, don't let it get to the point where your body just gives up for you.

You know what got me through this week?  I stopped my obsessing by putting my hand on my chest and counting the beats.  Then I thought, how many heart beats am I going to give to this "woman"?  How many of my limited heart beats does she deserve?  In all honesty none, but of course I am human so I gave her quite a few, but she is getting no more from me.  I am done with her.

So please look after yourself, forgive yourself, and keep your heart beats for the things, times and people that matter.


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